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On Friday, the Today Show featured our own Lori Zaslow in a segment on relationship advice. Watch the clip here:
http://www.today.com/video/today/52399683/#52399683
Then check out Lori’s extended answers to a couple different questions. Intern Kayleigh Hentges weighs in on the same questions following Lori. Hope everyone had a great Fourth of July and weekend!
Q:I am a single (never married/no kids) forty year old lady! Is it possible to be in the wrong city for love?
Kayleigh: I do think in New York it’s a lot more hectic and a different scene for finding other people looking for relationships, but it’s all about putting yourself out there and exploring new posibilities. There are a ridiculous amount of spots in New York, and it’s easy to stick with areas you’re comfortable with, but you can find new types of people in completely random spots. Keeping an open mind is essential too- if your qualifications for a potential partner are too rigid and specific, you could miss out on the love of your life.
Q: Why stay in touch with an ex wasting energy there when a new love relationship is possible?
Lori: By hanging on to an ex you aren’t giving your ALL to a new potential relationship. You are only giving a part of yourself. Be authentic – and move on. Yes it can feel lonely at times but there is a reason an ex is an ex. Usually it isn’t about your ex it is just the fear of being alone! As they say close one door and a new one will open, hence if you don’t close the door, new love won’t enter. You must first get your ex out from between your legs in order to get him out heart and off your mind!!
Kayleigh: It’s going to be hard to let go of an ex if you didn’t have a miserable relationship, especially if you’ve dated for a significant amount of time. You don’t really know how to go about the daily routine and feel like you don’t have that one person you used to share everything with. It really isn’t fair or possible to truly commit yourself to someone new and move on though if you don’t cut off constant contact with your ex at least for a while right after you break up. It’s scary re-entering the dating world, but you’re only going to find success in dating again if you allow yourself a clean slate.
Q: We constantly seem to argue over this same thing.He says he is tired all the time, and I want quality family time-what should we do?
Lori: Comprise; don’t argue! Respect his needs and in turn he will respect yours. Make family plans in advance giving him time to have down town. Come up with “family time” that doesn’t involve too much energy. Going old school always works- playing board games, renting a movie and eating popcorn, or cooking dinner and dessert are relaxing and fun!! “Quality time” to you and him maybe 2 different things. Learn to accept what he likes and he hopefully will explore things you like! Get out of your comfort zone!!
Kayleigh: To this day I remember a high school teacher gave me advice long before I was even in love, telling us that her 40 year marriage had worked because of a simple practice that seems obvious but we often forget can work wonders. She said “We’re simply always placing the other before ourselves. If we’re both doing that, you’ll always be happy.” It’s a lot like compromise. It’s easy to get caught up arguing about the same things over and over but if you get hung up on issues rather than finding a way to balance out the situation it will only cause frustration and fatigue in your relationship.
image from: devotionalnectar.com