Long distance… is it really worth it? Unfortunately I find myself asking this question way more often than I should. See the problem is, I have always stood by the idea that long distance will not work, but low and behold… I am in a long distance relationship right now. This has led me to question things like “what makes mine different,” or “why do I think mine will actually work;” and it made me realize certain factors that I think can help decide if long distance is really worth it or not.
I’ll start by explaining why I think long distance is not meant to be and why I believe it will not work. The main reason is because long distance means you completely lose the physical and tangible affection and enjoyment spent with a person when the relationship is solely connected by a phone or video chat. I think one of the best and most important parts of a relationship is the physical attraction felt by two people, and the pride each person feels when they get to be seen in public with their significant other. In a long distance relationship, however, it completely takes that aspect of a relationship away. I know it can be difficult to actually find love in NYC sometimes, so you don’t want to let it go, but after reading this hopefully you’ll be able to make the right decision for your relationship and maybe consider looking to some professional matchmakers for help!
So, with that in mind, here’s what you should think about if you are deciding whether or not to go on with this long distance relationship…
The first factor is whether or not the relationship began on long distance or if it became long distance. If it is the first, meaning your entire relationship from talking to actually dating has been long distance, then I’m sorry I don’t think it is worth it, and it won’t work in the long run. Why? Because, whether we like to admit it or not, people are fake. I think if you are looking to actually settle down it is crucial to see how a person lives, but if you have never even stepped foot on the front steps of their house, let alone even been inside, then you really cannot make true judgments on this person. You are unable to tell how they are in public, how social they are, or how smelly of a person they are and these are essential in determining the success of a relationship.
If your relationship was not long distance from the start, but became it due to some outside factor such as work or school (like me!), then I believe your relationship might have a chance! That’s right, I said might and the reason for that leads me to the next factor. This factor is whether or not you guys have set a deadline for each other. As I have stated before, I believe a physical connection is important, so the option of just remaining long distance forever after this point is not a good choice, in my opinion. I think it would be very beneficial for your relationship if you set a time frame, maybe like a year at the most, that can give you each a chance to determine if you can move to each other or if you should just move on from each other.
The last factor is travel. I’m sure this is a common occurrence while dating in New York, but sometimes people do not realize the problems it can have on a relationship. The issue is that Yay you have finally found love in New York, but now you’re not sure if it is working due to all of this travel for work. If your significant other seems to be traveling so much that you are beginning to feel out of touch with each other, perhaps you should ask if you could go with them every now and then. Do not interfere with their work, obviously, but studies have shown that going to sleep together every night can actually lead to a longer and healthier relationship, so try and make that happen! If you are not allowed to travel with them, then try to at least make their times back home very special. But, if these changes do not seem to be helping, then it may be time to cut your losses and move on.
It’s the hard truth, and sometimes the best choice is not always the easiest, but it has to be done. There are so many people in this world that if you can’t find a good guy, I know a couple people that can help… You might have heard of them… does Project Soulmate ring a bell?